| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|11:11 pm] |
forcibly cheery
forcibly cheery
forcibly cheery
forcibly cheery
it helps ... doesn't it? |
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| never. |
[Nov. 21st, 2008|02:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | joseph arthur. | ] |
sometimes it's rather endearing to remember that i still think like a child.
i giggle inappropriately and do paint by numbers.
things in my head have got ... harder.
i need to keep busy in all these stupid and inane activities. i need to be doing something.
i think i'd rather be a successful child at 19 than a failed adult at 20.
sometimes, it'd be rather endearing to think that that made sense. |
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| that's where - |
[Oct. 18th, 2008|11:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | benton falls | ] |
i've been thinking about some things later
and i'm thinking that i'm petrified.
you can't blame me, really.
say all you like on the matter, but it is
big
and scary
and OdD
and entirely new.
and i don't really know what to do about it.
but you do.
you just do.
or maybe you don't.
i don't know.
plodplodplodplodplodplodplodBOOM.
same as always. |
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| wiiwiiwii all the way home |
[Aug. 22nd, 2008|12:30 pm] |
Grant says:
ahaha
haha, apparently i'm attracted to 'soft faced lovelies'
catalyst. says:
haha, says who?
Grant says:
my friend james is perving about my myspace and said that's the type of girls i like and talk to
then he said the girl who was better than the rest, called me a hobo
this makes me stupidly smiley.
that and i'm suddenly listening to Thomas The Tank Engine In Da Club Remix.
i officially win at life.
and on another note - the wii fit is one of the most amazing things in the entire world. apparently i'm the only one in my family who's not obese.
winwin! |
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| soup soup a tastey soup |
[Jul. 5th, 2008|08:20 pm] |
my tongue is fluctuating it's size like a hyperventilating hippo and it's desperately hard to swallow.
yes yes, i know it's my own fault and/or choice
and it's all in the name of aesthetic preservation.
but my parents are teasing me with cake they know i can't eat.
i officially hate soup. |
|
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| throw it away. |
[Jun. 22nd, 2008|01:47 pm] |
i love how i manage to dismiss things just as soon as i bring them into attention.
i think in all the wrong ways.
but they're right for me.
aren't they?
then there's the objectivity arguments for everything and anything, which may or may not even exist in the first place.
we are for life is, and perhaps that's all we should think and/or care about.
or maybe i should stop being such a giant tit and forget about it all.
and the dismission is back. |
|
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| ihaveneverfeltthis--- |
[May. 11th, 2008|08:19 pm] |
i'm a happy camper
even if my tent doesn't always stay up.
and the camp gets ravaged by bears.
even when it rains
and the fire dwindles down
and it gets cold.
but it's my little camp.
and it's my little tent.
and it's my little world.
i'm a happy camper :]]
wood monsters and all. |
|
|
| waterrundownyourface |
[Apr. 6th, 2008|02:33 am] |
sometimes
there's a little knocking
on inside of your chest.
and it sits.
whether it's fighting to get out, or looking to get in
is an entirely different matter.
at the moment, it's the difficulty in deciding just what it is
that leaves you a little quieter.
just enough silence to hear that one
faithful
tap.
i don't know what that feels like, right now. |
|
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| you still speak of day old hate |
[Mar. 9th, 2008|08:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | city and colour | ] |
if i were in your shoes
i'd run far away.
from your slight of hand and disapproving views
that somehow seem to follow me
like you thought i followed you.
these events were never done with intention.
they happened,
as things so often do,
because.
i suppose that's almost all there is to it.
we both know it's not.
and we both know that things are not the same.
they're not suppose to be.
but maybe, for a little while,
we can live in this white lie.
to linger, to settle, to ignore
everything that we don't care to see.
which is a lot.
let's face it,
with our backs turned and our eyes closed,
maybe i'll walk back to you.
maybe. |
|
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| and i'm convinced giving in, is the worst thing there is |
[Feb. 27th, 2008|09:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | straylight run | ] |
i'm still kind of chasing my tail and running away from everything and anything at the moment because i don't really want things to keep on falling through like they do, but i'm here and you're there and i think i just might be okay with that.
for now, at least.
i'm branching out on weak roots and rotten trees
which probably isn't helping me none at all.
so i'm jumping down [or falling, depending on your perspective]
and having to grow my own.
little sapling, little sappy, but a little big, too.
such odd mood swings at the moment.
i'm quicker at getting out of the dark, but the light is still awfully hazy.
but i'm out. kind of.
i'm a funny ole girl, at the best of times.
i'm fine, really i am.
regardless of what i tell you sometimes.
not quite chipper.
but maybe it's best that i'm not?
things are okay.
well, not quite.
but things are.
suppose that's enough, right now. |
|
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| to find in your eyes, my best surprise |
[Jan. 10th, 2008|02:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | joshua radin - these photographs | ] |
things have suddenly gotten so much worse.
it's not about me.
at all.
and i know that.
but i still feel terrible.
everything's a little much right now.
but it's all a matter of perspective.
'fraid mine's still a little warped.
the rain's coming down a little heavier than expected
and we're all caught outside.
it'll be okay.
when, is a different matter. |
|
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| it's really laughable |
[Nov. 25th, 2007|11:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | reel big fish - we hate it when our friends become successful | ] |
wooah.
things are crazy here. they always are. but - obviously - that's half the fun of it.
i've done a fair few stupid things, but i always do.
but i'm coping.
i mean ... coping.
which, i suppose, is as much of a shock as anything else.
wednesday was a mistake. i know that. i've lost about 3 hours and most of my stomach lining.
but i'm still laughing.
because if i don't i'll cry.
but i'm laughing.
and i suppose that's the main thing.
time goes so quickly here. it's scary.
but the people are wonderful. for the most part.
after christmas ...
things are going to just go.
and it'll be summer and i'll be petrified and things won't be the same.
looks to be pretty interesting actually. |
|
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| as you glance around the room, to check that no one sees how normal you are. |
[Oct. 7th, 2007|11:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kids in glass houses - raise hell | ] |
things are harder here and they're bigger here and i'm not even sure whether i can handle it.
they haven't even started yet.
and they're going to get so much worse.
and i don't know what i'm doing or whether it's wise for me to even try.
but it scares me.
so much.
i know i'm stronger than i think i am and i can do this and i'm past so much and i'm better than i was.
but then sometimes i don't.
sometimes i remember i'm weak and small and doubting and paranoid and insecure.
and know one knows that.
i'm trying to find my feet and work out where i need to go all the time.
this is a time for me.
it has to be.
otherwise i'm wasting so much on this stupid effort.
this is not for them or for you or for anyone.
why should it be?
but why am i making it so?
my head's too small to hold this anymore. |
|
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| if you're under the impression i'm alright |
[Aug. 16th, 2007|11:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  just. no. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tai - you might have noticed | ] |
english lit A
theatre B
psychology B
suppose that's karma for you.
i guess you never noticed, i guess you might have known i've been holding this together for so long, but i guess you might have noticed, well i guess you ... |
|
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| you're just a boy that's afraid of the dark |
[Aug. 11th, 2007|12:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | here | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hmmm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | cobra starship - pop punk is soooooo '05 | ] |
i think i've hit a dead end.
yet nothing feels quite done.
it's odd and strange to think that such a big piece of my life is almost laid out before me
[well, so the stories say]
and i don't even know how i feel about it anymore.
i know i'm tired. but that's nothing new.
i know i'm bored. but i always am.
just need to sort a few things out before i have to run away
saunter
slink
waddle
into the great unknown and apparently exciting.
i think i'll take a nap first. |
|
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| just leave me your stardust |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|02:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gregory and the hawk - boats and birds | ] |
i love the smell of rain.
it suddenly makes things smell so fresh and alive again.
and clean. and new.
in an odd way it almost brightens things up.
ignoring the perpetual grey clouds and the generally dark sky.
i like rain.
i don't know why people are so against it. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2007|05:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | willy mason | ] |
so
turns out i don't suck at life
i just passed my driving test
yay me
AND my face :]] |
|
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| watch you, on the ones and twos |
[Apr. 26th, 2007|02:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | brand new - failure by design | ] |
it's weird when the sky turns grey
everyone always talks about that blanket of sky
but it's stranger when you can actually see it.
it almost looks white, in a way.
so wonderfully simple in a way that makes it almost impossible to explain.
migraines are causing me to lose my speech. apparently, at least. part of me almost wants it to keep up so i can finally stop talking. it's really only the crying which is bothering me.
wouldn't mind the excuse for the break.
just wish i didn't have so much to do.
p.r.i.o.r.i.t.i.e.s.
you fickle fiend. |
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| it'd be better to forget you, but i don't really want to |
[Apr. 10th, 2007|07:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hmmphy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gregory and the hawk - the bolder thing to do | ] |
wow. erm. yeah the accuracy here hurts a lil bit.
haven't felt that way since
you painted me in pastels
colours that don't tell of any boldness
because that's the way you like to see me
so innocent so weak so little purpose
or
it won't help me but i have to ask
is there something real that's behind the mask?
something true we don't know about?
a little faith then a much to doubt
or
i’m so far into your story i don’t know why
we think we’re in control
when we lie between the lines
we’ll find a line to follow
it’s got to show real soon
or we’ll never reach this high
but now. i have.
so let me down softly this time,
and i won't have to come back crying.
energy spent trying to believe you're not worth it,
you don't deserve it,
but i wish you did
cause i can't rid the thought of it.
and. my personal favourite.
it'd be better to forget you, but i don't really want to
it's actually over now.
scares me. |
|
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| cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark |
[Apr. 9th, 2007|10:48 pm] |
just. feels like i'm fighting a losing battle here.
now who i'm up against and with what army, i'm not sure.
but it still just feels like i'm fighting.
i'm getting so much better at letting go, honestly i am, but i don't think it actually always feels like it.
i don't know.
what he said to me the other day had me reeling.
i knew it would come back to that.
it had to.
i just hate that it does.
because it comes down to me again
and i can't stand that.
just want to let go.
but that means moving on.
and then it's the whole acceptance thing.
it's that little first step.
that's the one to look out for.
it's quite a fall from that pedastool. |
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